We Aren't Together

Thursday

October 20, 2011

Hello Baby boy! I usually write to you at night, but this letter is being written at 3:38pm. I had to leave you at the hospital today. I was able to come home, but you have to stay there just a little while longer. It was such a difficult day for me. I cried and cried and cried. I’m still crying. I love you so much! It was just painful to leave you there. I know that you have wonderful nurses and doctors taking care of you. But for the first time in seven months we aren’t together. You are not inside my tummy moving around and it’s so hard not being near you. My sweet baby boy, mommy just wants to love and cuddle with you.

I pumped breast milk for you today. I’ve been doing it everyday since you’ve been born, but today was special. I pumped right beside your bed. It helped me produce more milk. It was a joy to watch you sleep and squirm as I pumped. What will be truly special is when I can breastfeed you.

You continue to make progress with your health, which pleases Mommy so much. They were able to take an IV out of the belly button moving you that much closer to the time we can cuddle in the hospital. When they are all taken out I will be able to hold you close to my chest so that we can have skin-to-skin contact. I look forward to that day. I hope that I don’t cry. In case you didn’t know, your mother is a crybaby sometimes. But giving birth to you has truly brought out emotions I didn’t think I had. You’ve brought out the maternal instinct in me. I certainly didn’t have that while carrying you in my womb.

You also had some “Brady’s” today. That is when you heart rate dips low around the 60’s or 70’s. You normal range is in the 160’s. Nurses simply come and rub you, move you around a bit and you usually recover. What’s really good is when you recover on your own…